Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
