My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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