Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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