Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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