He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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