i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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