you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
