T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
