every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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