We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
