A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
