this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
