Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
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the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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