yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
