Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize
