we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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