Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
