do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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