I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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