I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
