If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
