so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
