His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
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He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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