If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
