My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
