I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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