All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
