Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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