no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
you're hired as official boob wrangler
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
