"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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