my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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