either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
People in love make me want to vomit
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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