I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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