They should really pass out barf bags in church
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
