If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
