Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
