we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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