Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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