The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
