i think my tv is drunk
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
