i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
