the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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