I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
