We named our party play list daddy issues
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
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had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
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after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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