i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
