the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
