i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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