everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
