I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
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Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
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All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.