Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads