The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.