Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
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