Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.