why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
