he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
