Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
do herpes really smell.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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