theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
