CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I need to sanitize my soul.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
