I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
