By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
