Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
