yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
