I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
