I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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