these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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