Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
