You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I look excited, but its just a facade.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
