I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
