Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
