Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
