the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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