The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
