He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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