I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
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I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
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You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
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